Two Leather Journals
by Hazl
Summary: Edward remembers nothing from his human life. Bella finds two leather journals, the only thing left from his past. They read them, and find out about what direction Edward's life was heading...and learn a shocking secret from his past. Pairings-B/E
1. Chapter 1

**AN-I randomly developed this idea while I was sitting around the house one day. That's how my ideas for fictions come to me, unexpectedly. I suddenly found myself wondering what Edward's human life was like, who he was, and what he was planning on doing with his future before he was changed into the dazzling vampire we all know today. So this story came around...and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.**

**Spoliers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

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**Chapter 1**

My eyes opened wide to a site I was now very used to seeing. Edward was laying beside me, holding me in his arms, his eyes closed, obviously unaware of the fact I had awoke. I could hear the rain, gently patting on the windows, and the house surrounding me. This was truly all I ever needed...to be in Edward's arms...forever. I would soon enough, be able to have this wish, if all went according to plan. Edward and I were to be married in a matter of short days.

The sheer thought of marriage made me shiver against Edward's cold, stone-like body. He sensed my movement, and pulled me closer, the exact reaction I needed. After the wedding, I was to have my last human experiences, as promised by Edward. On the honeymoon I was also finally going to become...one of them. I was going to be changed into a vampire. Well...at least that's what I hoped would happen. Edward never let me forget that the possibility of killing me was very high. I never let him forget that I didn't care...it was worth the risk...to be able to be with him until even after the end of time.

I sighed, and let a small yawn escape. I wasn't tired, but I didn't want Edward to know that. If he did, he would get up, and release me from his arms, insisting I go downstairs to eat something for breakfast. I would always argue at him to come back to me, but he always won.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against Edward's chest...listening for a heartbeat that I knew was not there. It made me think that...in a matter of a few short days, my heart would stop beating as well, whether I became immortal...or dead.

I always tried not to think too much about the changing process. Thinking about the unknown frightened me. But as I laid there, beside Edward, I started thinking about what my days as a vampire would be like. One thought occurred to me that I had never thought of before. _Would I remember any of this? Any of my life as a small, fragile human?_

I opened my eyes once more, and rolled onto my other side, away from Edward.

Alice hadn't remembered one thing about her human life, and the rest of them only knew small bits and pieces...not majior details. _Would I forget all about Renee, Charlie...__and..._again I found myself shivering, at the mention of the one person from my human life that I would never want to forget..._Jacob._

I sighed in frustration as I rolled back over to face the bright topaz eyes of Edward, starring directly at me. In that moment I wasn't afraid. I had mentioned so many times how I'd give up everything, even my life, to be able to be with him for eternity. Nothing else mattered...but him.

He smiled that wonderful crooked smiled that never failed to send chills throughout my body.

"I know." I said. "I'll go eat breakfast."

With that I rose out of the grand bed, located in the middle of Edward's room, and walked downstairs to head into the kitchen...which Edward had recently stocked with food for me, since I was the only one that needed to eat.

As I poured myself a glass of orange juice to go with the piece of buttered toast I was planning on having, the thoughts of my changing process that I was trying so hard to forget, came back to me. I put the carton of juice back in the fridge, and picked up my plate containing my single piece of toast. I sat at the large dining room table, that was barely ever touched by human hands.

_Human_. No one in this house remembered much about being human. I knew that Rosalie remembered some, Esme...a little, Alice...none, Emmett...I wasn't sure. The only stories I ever heard about Carslie and Jasper revolved around their early vampire years...but I didn't remember hearing anything about their human lives.

And Edward...well...like the others...Edward knew very little about his human life. He only knew what Carslie had told him, and remembered nothing.

This fact disturbed me, and I suddenly found myself lossing my appitie. The piece of buttered toast in front of me now had the appeal of a dead rat.

I quickly got up, not even bothering to push my chair in. I dumped the toast into the trash, and the glass of un-sipped juice down the sink. I stood there for a moment, eyes closed, gripping onto the kitchen counter for support.

Edward remembered _nothing._

And this bothered me even more than the fact that I may remember nothing. It pained me to know...that charming, wonderful Edward...my Edward, knew nothing about the human life that he wished so much he still had today.

I shook my head. There had to be something...anything...that he would remember. I considered the fact that maybe he wasn't telling me something about his human life...but I ruled that theory out quickly. He really did remember nothing.

I was so busy thinking, that I didn't even notice when Carslie stepped into the room. I had no theory as to how long he had been standing there, but I had a feeling it had been for a while.

"Bella." I heard him say softly, as if he was afraid he would bother my thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

_Yes.._ I thought. There was something very wrong.

And then...I suddenly realized something. If there was anyone in this world that would know anything about Edward's human life, Carslie would be that one person..or in this case...vampire.

"Carslie." I said, turning around to face the stunning vampire doctor. "Edward...does he...know anything...about...before?"

Carslie sighed and shook his head, and was quiet for quite some time. He looked up at me with deep black eyes. I noted that unlike Edward, Carlise was in need of hunting sometime soon.

"No Bella...he doesn't. Only what I've told him in stories...which aren't many"

I nodded, sinking in the facts I already knew. "Does he have...anything left over from his human life? Besides...this?" I asked...messing around with the engagement ring that was to remain on my finger for all of eternity.

It took Carslie a long time to reply...but he finally nodded his head. "Yes...he does. Come with me."

I followed a distance behind Carslie, as he lead me down the grand hallway that led to him and Esme's room. The door was open, so he walked right in, and I followed him...until he stopped beside a chest of drawers.

I sat down on the couch located by one of the windows that overlooked the woods behind the grand mansion and waited for Carslie as he dug around in the top drawer.

It seemed like hours, but it was truly only seconds, when Carslie turned to face me, holding something wrapped in a plain white cloth.

"This is all I managed to get from the house once I changed him. I didn't have much time, so it was the first thing I picked up."

With that, he handed me the object he held in his hands. I almost felt like crying. Whatever I held right now, was the only part of Edward's human life he had left.

I took one shaky hand, and parted the cloth, to reveal two brown leather journals...with a name imprinted on the front cover that I had grown to know so well.

_Edward Cullen_

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**I hope you guys like it...sorry if the first chapter is too short and lacks excitement...but I needed to introduce the story first. Thanks for reading, and please review me with any comments, constructive criticism, or ideas.**

**Hazl**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN-I had it pointed out to me in a review that Edward's human last name was Masen. I will admit...I forgot about that. I guess I might as well let it be known that I'm a very new Twilight fan. I was just "bitten" this June, and haven't even owned the books for more than two months...so some small details do escape me. I did spend about an hour reading through the books, skimming for any details I may have missed. If I do miss something or mess something up, please forgive me, and don't fell bad about pointing it out to me in a review. PS-I found Edward's mother's name...but his father's name escaped me...I didn't exactly know where to look for that...so if anyone knows...just say so in a review...and include any other major details about his human life I may need/have missed. Thanks for understanding!  
**

**Spoilers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

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**Chapter 2**

"But Carslie." I said looking up at him, as my fingers traced the name engraved into the soft, faded brown leather cover. "I thought that Edward's last name was Masen before you changed him."

Carslie nodded at me, scratching his fine blond hair as he did so. "You're right...it was."

"Then why does it say Edward Cullen on the covers?"

"About 80 years ago, I was throwing out some of my old medical journals...I almost accidentally throw those out with them." He said, gesturing towards the bundle in my hands. "At the time there wasn't any name imprinted on the cover. So I took them to get his name put on them...I guess I never thought about using his human name, because I had grown so used to him being a Cullen."

I nodded, still in shock, knowing that Edward did have something to tell him about his life that he struggled so hard to remember...and barely could.

I sat there in silence for some time, and Carslie stood with me...before he finally broke the silence that had seemed to have enveloped the entire room.

"He doesn't know I have them." He said calmly. "I've never even opened them before, to tell you the truth. So I don't even know what's inside, if anything."

I nodded, then looked up at him. "Carslie...you said that this is all you managed to get...but how come I have his mother's ring?" Suddenly I remembered that there were a few other pieces connecting Edward to his past. "And the crystal heart on my bracelet...and he said Alice, and Esme...have some things."

Carslie sighed. "His mother gave the ring to me before she died. She wanted me to keep it. I decided to give it back to Edward once I changed him. Your heart charm, and the things he gave to Alice and Esme, actually fell out of those Journals you're holding. I decided to give them to him."

I nodded, still in shock. I never thought when I woke up this morning that I would suddenly be diving into my finance's past life.

Carslie coughed, as if he was nervous. I'm sure this situation was somewhat awkward for him, as it was for me.

"If you need to go to the hospital Carslie...I'll be fine right here." I said, never taking my eyes off of the journals he had handed me only minutes before.

He simply nodded, and left the room quickly, and it felt as though he had never even been standing there.

The urge to open the first journal...laying on top of the other...was so strong. But for some reason, I felt that I needed to show Edward first, to share what I found with him. But at the same time...I almost didn't want him to know. I almost wanted to keep my discovery to myself.

I wrapped the two journals back in the plain white cloth that Carslie had kept them in, and set them beside me on the red velevet couch. I found myself starring out the window...looking out into the woods...watching each drop of rain as it fell onto the grass below.

I suddenly rose off of the couch, gently tucking the bundle under my right arm, and walking up the grand staircase that led to Edward's room. I had to stop twice to rest on the stairs and regain my strength. Not out of exhaustion, but out of shock, and overwhelming feelings from all directions.

I finally managed to reach the doorway leading to the same room I left less than half an hour earlier. Edward was still laying on the bed, exactly where I left him, his eyes closed tight...his breathing slow. To anyone else, they would have assumed he was sleeping, but I, of course, knew better.

"Bella." He almost whispered, his eyes still closed, but a smile spreading across his face.

I choked down the emotions that were flooding through my mind, and managed to speak. "Yeah...it's me."

Edward rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes...looking at me. As soon as he saw the expression on my face...he frowned.

"Bella...why are you crying?"

Drats...I had never recognized I was crying...and now here I stood in front of him...with tears in my eyes. He probably thought something was horribly wrong.

"Truthfully." I answered, sitting down beside him on the bed, "I had no idea I was."

Edward sat up and stared into my eyes, trying to search my face for what he could never see in my mind. He apparently saw nothing that caught his attention, because his bright topaz eyes shifted to the bundle that sat in my lap.

"What's this?" He asked...taking it from me.

It was times like these, I was almost glad that Edward couldn't tell what was going on in my mind. Right now so many different vocies were shouting so many different things, and this was just in my head alone. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for Edward, having to hear his own thoughs...and the ones of everyone else.

I tried to think of the right words to describe what it was that Edward was holding, but nothing would come.

"Something Carslie gave me."

"What is it?" He asked...once more...obviously not very pleased with the answer I had given him.

"Your past." I managed to say...my voice was barely even a whisper...but Edward still heard me.

"What do you mean?"

"Move the cloth." I told him, keeping my eyes on the floor, as if each individual carpet thread was now my greatest interest.

He did as I said, and I recognized his reaction right away. That was the same reaction I had seen on my own face when I realized that all the answers to my questions about where Edward came from, who he was, where he was heading, was sitting right there in my lap.

"What is this?" He said, for the third time...only this time, unlike the other two...his voice was softer...sadder...almost.

"Carslie told me they're yours...from your human life. He took them from your house shortly after he changed you. He got your name imprinted on them about 80 years ago...so he wouldn't throw them out."

"And he just...gave them to you...all of a sudden?" He asked, moving the top journal to look at the other...which looked the same as the first.

"No. I asked about them. Well not specifically them...but I asked if he had anything."

He nodded. "Have I written in them?"

"I don't know. I didn't look, and Carslie said he never has either."

He set the first journal back on top, starring at it, as he traced his name on the front cover, just like I had done only minutes before.

"Are you going to open it?" I asked.

He nodded, and moved the cover that hadn't been open in over a hundred years, to reveal a old, worn piece of blank paper.

He looked over at me...before he turned the page again.

I almost gasped.

This time...instead of a plain blank page, there was a lined page, with an elegant script that I could pick out anywhere.

_December 25...Age 14_

It was Edward's handwriting on the page in front of me.

Edward seemed just as shocked as I was, as he flipped through all of the pages to reveal that the pages were almost full. He turned to the very last page, and I noticed the entry date.

_February 14...Age 17_

"Your last entry." I choked out. "Before you..."

"Became a monster." He finished.

I bit my lip, not even bothering to argue with him as he turned back to the first entry.

"Do you want me to read it aloud?"

"If you want to." I said.

He nodded as he read his own words, in his dazzling voice.

_December 25..Age 14_

_This has been a hard year...but our family has many blessings. Today, is Christmas day. I didn't get much...I'm getting to old for childish items like toys...but my mother did get me two matching brown leather journals, and a pen...so I could write about my life, to be able to reflect on it someday when I'm grown up, and have a wife, and children of my own. She tells me that even though I'm only fourteen...that I act as mature as someone twice my age. I've decided that I'm going to keep pictures in my other journal...and I will write descriptions about them on the pages that the are tucked into._

_We had a large supper, just my mother, father, and I. My mother roasted a ham all day in the oven...a treat we rarely get. We had mashed potatoes, corn, and freshly baked bread. For desert, we had an apple pie...my all-time favorite._

_I think this was the best Christmas ever...I will never forget it as long as I live._

I actually found myself holding back tears as Edward read the last line of the entry. There he was...a sweet, innocent, young child, thinking he had an entire normal life ahead of him...simply being overjoyed that his family was alive and happy...and never wanting to forget that. And the sad thing was...he did. He forgot it all when he was changed...when he became a vampire...or a monster...as he said.

"Do you remember that?" I asked him...already knowing the answer.

"No...none of it at all." He told me, starring at the page as if in a state of disbelief.

"Here." I said, taking the journal from his hands and setting it in my own lap. He didn't argue, as I turned to the next page very carefully...afraid that one wrong move would cause the fragile pages to crumble in my hands.

I looked over at Edward, who was looking down at the page I had turned to.

I shifted my eyes back to the page...and read aloud.

_January 1st...Age 14_

_A new year..._

_It's snowed a lot here the past two weeks. We got 3 inches alone just last night. The wind blew a branch off of the old oak tree in the front yard right onto the roof of the house. The noise had woken me up, and what a shock it was to see a large hole in the ceiling of my room. My mother has seemed almost depressed all day, she's confused as to what we should do. I helped my father carry my bed down into the kitchen today. Mother would not allow me to sleep upstairs in my room in case I would catch a cold. I'll sleep in the kitchen until we get the roof fixed._

_My mother told me I might as well go write in my journals...while she cooked supper. I had offered to help her, but she told me not to worry._

_I think that's simply because she was baking some rolls...and the last time I tryed to help her bake, the dough had ended up on the floor...and in the dog's stomach._

_I guess I don't blame my mother._

I looked over at Edward.

"Not a thing." He said.

"You...umm...were apparently quite close to your mother...you mention her a lot."

"Yeah...Carslie said that we seemed to be quite close."

"Do you want me to continue?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not right now. I know we only read two pages...but...it's a lot to take in...a lot to think about."

I nodded. "I understand."

I closed the journal and handed it to him, and he wrapped it back up with it's companion in the white cloth, and set it gently on his bedside table.

"You said the other one has pictures."

"I know." He said. "We'll look at that one when we get done with the first one though...ok Bella?"

"Sure...that's fine." I said...when I decided to ask him the question that had been bothering me since I saw the look on his face when I told him what he was holding in his hands.

"Edward?"

"Yes love?"

"Does this...upset you?"

He shook his head...and actually laughed. "No Bella...of course not. I'm...overjoyed really."

"You don't necessarily act like it."

"Well...I'm glad I finally have something to tell me who I am..." He paused, "Who I was." He corrected. "But..."

"What?"

He shook his head, all traces of his smile fading. "It just tortures me to know that it won't ever mean anything more to me than simply that."

"Simply what?" I asked.

"That's all it is to me now...all it is to me is my past...who I was...it...should have been so much more than that Bella. It should mean so much more. I should be able to remember."

"But you don't." I said.

"No." He sighed. "I don't."

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**I'd like to thank everyone for all of the reviews sent in for the first chapter. I was so shocked, and so excited to have so many people looking forward to what I had to write next, that I decided to give you the second chapter today. Please feel free to include any comments, concerns, contructive critisism, or ideas in your reviews.**

**Thanks again so much for reading.**

**Hazl**


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

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**Chapter 3**

I was speechless. I couldn't find any words to say to comfort Edward, to make him feel better, nothing.

"I'm just going to...step outside for a second." Edward said, rising up of the bed, but not before gently kissing my cheek.

As soon as his figure was out of sight I sighed, and took the other journal out of the cloth. I figured I'd look inside it, just at one of the pages. See if I could uncover one more thing. Maybe having pictures as evidence would trigger something in Edward's mind.

This journal, as I expected...didn't seem to contain as much as the other. I knew that in Edward's time...pictures would have been rare, and expensive. Nonetheless, the journal was at least half way full. I noticed as I quickly flipped through the pages, just to take a quick glance, that many of the pictures appeared to have been cut out of newspapers.

I looked behind me out of Edward's window, to see he was walking around outside in the shower of rain, his head down, his pace slow.

I turned my focus back to the first page in the journal, and took out a folded picture, from a newspaper, I assumed, and unfolded it carefully.

The picture I held was of a beautiful women, with the same facial features that Edward seemed to still have. She was standing by a flower garden, and was wearing a very plain looking sundress. A dog was laying at her feet, looking directly at the camera.

I gently laid the picture down beside me on the bed, and traced my fingers along Edward's elegant script on the page as I read.

_This picture was from last summer, when my mother won first place for her flower garden. Mother loves flowers, and the outdoors. She was overwhelmed when she found out she won, and that's why her picture was in the paper. My dog, Violet, a collie, is also in the picture with her. I got Violet for a Christmas present several years ago. Father says a boy needs two things...a good women and a good dog._

That was all Edward had written on the worn page describing the picture of his beautiful mother. I was going to go ahead and look at the next page, when I heard Edward's gentle footsteps coming down the hall. I quickly shut the journal, but didn't bother to move it from where it rested on my lap.

He looked at me sitting there on the bed, and shook his head smiling, as he whispered. "Bella."

"What?"

"You just couldn't keep your hands off of them...could you?"

I smiled a little as well. "I was curious."

He came and took his spot beside me on the bed.

"What did you find?"

"This." I said...handing him the picture that I had neglected to tuck back into the pages of the journal.

Edward took the picture in his cold, slightly shaky hands, and studied it.

"What did I say about this?"

"That's your mom, when she won a prize for her flower garden. That's your dog in the picture with her...Violet."

"I do recognize my mother...now that I see this picture." He said.

"You do?" I asked him, almost wanting to hug him at the fact that he remembered something.

"Yes." He said. "I'm almost positive."

"What about your dog?"

"I never knew I had a dog."

"Oh." Was all I managed to say.

"Get the other one...the one we were looking at earlier...without the pictures."

I reached over on his bedside table, and pulled the other journal off of the cloth. I coughed as dust flew everywhere.

"Where did Carslie ever get this cloth?" I exclaimed, sticking my face inside my shirt for some fresh air.

Edward chuckled as he placed the picture back inside the journal in my lap, and took the other one from my hands.

I coughed once more and shook my head as I put my shirt back down.

Edward turned the journal to the page we had left off on...and without even asking me, continued to read aloud.

_January 10th-Age 14  
_

_The roof is still not repaired. I may be sleeping in the kitchen for the rest of the winter. It's not near as cold downstairs as it was in my room. It has still continued snowing._

He stopped there.

"That's all?"

"Apparently...I must not have had anything better to write about that day."

I moved closer to Edward, and gently rested my head on his shoulder.

I don't know how long we sat there, but Edward probably read through the pages of his life for almost half an hour. Still nothing else had seemed to trigger any memories in his mind that wanted so badly to remember.

When Edward finished reading an entry he had made in mid-March, describing the amount of rainfall they had received, he looked over at me and gently kissed my forehead.

"Am I boring you love?"

"No...I actually find this interesting."

He smiled, kissing my forehead again. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" I asked as I moved my head off of his shoulder.

"Carslie's home...I'd like to talk to him for a moment."

I nodded, and without another word, Edward excited the room.

I turned the pages on the journal and started reading to myself, when I gasped in shock, my hand flying to my mouth as an instinctive reaction.

_April 2-Age 14_

_Our house was burned to the ground._

_Two days ago, my mother and I took Violet for a walk. It was a nice day, and mother said the fresh spring air would do me good. Father was at work. While we were on our way home, it started to storm. My mother and I ran to my Aunt Sara's house, and my mother and her talked for about an hour, while I sat by the fire place to warm up. Soon enough, the storm passed...it was just a simple spring shower. We walked back home, only to see our entire house in flames._

_My mother automatically panicked...there were so many possessions in the house that she would be devastated to loose. At the time, the upstairs was the only part of the house ablaze. Without really thinking, or using common sense, I dashed inside, not even bothering to close the front door as I ran into the kitchen. I could already see the fire coming down the stairway, just waiting to take me with it. I ran to the table, where my two journals set, and picked them up, along with mother's crystal vase that her mother had given her. The smell of smoke was overwhelming, and I knew I had very little time. I ran back out the door, stopping only momentarily to grab Violet's tennis ball and Father's good coat._

_I came back to find my mother standing right where I left her. When she saw that I was holding her vase in my arms, she started crying, and hugged me tight. If it had been any other moment, I would have complained, but then was not the time._

_All we had was a vase, my journals, a tennis ball, Violet and her leash, Dad's jacket, and the clothes on our backs. Nothing else was saved._

_We are now living with my Aunt Sara. She's my father's older sister. Her husband died last year, so she lives with her youngest daughter Karen. Her oldest daughter, Carol, is 19, and was married last year. Karen is a year older than me._

_My mother and father are sleeping in my Aunt Sara's room, while she sleeps upstairs with Karen. I have a makeshift bed in the sitting room, made of quilts._

_Father says he will try to see if we can get a new house up, but he says it may not happen._

I starred at the page in shock, shaking my head. I couldn't believe the words I had just read. I wanted to look back at the page and see a much happier entry. Even the entries Edward had written, describing how much precipitation they had received that day was much better than this.

It didn't take me long to realize I wasn't alone. I hadn't noticed Edward sit down beside me, being so deeply in a state of shock.

"Wow...Edward."

When he said nothing...I was wondering whether he felt the same as me.

"Why wouldn't I remember that?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember Carslie telling me I had an Aunt Sara...and two cousins...but...I never remember my house burning."

"I wonder..." I said...almost to myself, reaching over to grab the other journal.

Edward looked at me, confusion being the obvious expression presented on his face.

I turned through the pages...and stopped at one that was dated April 2nd...and pulled out another folded picture.

I saw exactly what I was expecting. The picture I held showed nothing but ruins in the place of the house I had seen in the picture of Edward's mother...Elizabeth.

Edward snatched the picture from my hands, and I didn't even bother protesting, as I scanned the writing on the page that was meant to describe the newspaper clipping inside its binding.

_This is a picture of my house, after the fire was put out. Nothing was left but ashes. This picture was in the newspaper today._

I looked over at Edward, who handed me the picture back.

I gently set it inside the pages of the journal, and closed the cover, starring at it.

Edward coughed. "I think we've both learned enough today."

I nodded, as he took the journal I held and set it back on his bedside table.

"Come on." He said, pulling me up off the bed, and onto my feet. My legs were shaking at an uncontrollable rate, and I almost fell into Edward as I tried to step forward.

He caught me, and helped me back up.

"We'll go to the mall, or see a movie or something...anything...just to get away for awhile..alright?" He said.

But I didn't hear anything he said. The words he spoke sounded like distant humming in the background. I merely nodded, having no idea what I was agreeing to.

He put his arm around me, and I managed to regain my balance as I walked.

However, I couldn't help looking over my shoulder, at the two leather journals that sat on the table beside Edward's bed.

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**Thanks to everyone who has sent in reviews...I'm so surprised at the large reaction I got from this story! Please feel free to include any comments, concerns, constructive criticism, or ideas in your reviews.**

**Thanks again so much for reading!**

**Hazl**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:I posted a review stating about learning new information that now informs me of Edward's birth date, which was puzzling me, and his father's profession. I'm sorry if I was confusing anyone, making Edward seem semi-middle class/kind of poor. I'm glad I started out with Edward at a younger age, because that allows me to fix my mistakes. If you'd like a full explanation...please check out the review I posted. I also realized I've been spelling Carlisle's name wrong. I actually pronounce Carlisle's name differently than it's actual pronunciation. I pronounce it like Charles...and then lee. I've always known I didn't pronounce it correctly, but never knew I didn't spell it right. I have been spelling his name Carslie. I've realized I've been making more mistakes than good...and it makes me feel quite foolish when I go back and say...shoot! I didn't know Edward's last name, I'm making him seem poor, and I spell Carlisle's name wrong! Ahhh! Again I'd like to apologize to anyone who I may have confused...I should have done my research ahead of time! Also...I'd like to apologize if the content so far has been boring, I'm going to try to get to the main part of the story in this chapter. Thank you.**

**Spoilers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

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**Chapter 4**

Edward had thought a Cullen/Hale shopping trip would be a very good idea to help both of us get over the amount of shock we now felt after finding out that Edward never really had much, and now had nothing. So he invited everyone else in the family to come along with us, as a form of a distraction. However, it didn't really help. While Alice and Rosalie would be trying to get me to look at a cute skirt, or a pair of shoes, all I could think about was poor young Edward, rushing to his mother, covered in ashes, smelling of smoke, simply being so thankful he was alive.

I think Alice bought me something...but I couldn't tell you if it was a t-shirt or a purse...I was in too much of a daze...and even though Edward didn't want to admit it, I could sense he was as well.

On the drive home, neither Edward nor I, said much at all. As we pulled up the driveway, leading to the extravagant Cullen Mansion, Edward made a comment under his breath about the Volvo not sounding quite right.

"What's wrong with the Volvo?" I asked him.

He sighed. "Something sounds wrong with the engine, I noticed it yesterday, but didn't think much of it. I'm going to look at it once we get in the garage."

The rein of silence continued afterwords. Without saying a word, I opened the car door and stepped out into the garage, grabbing the shopping bag containing my mystery item. I walked inside, figuring my absence was unnoticed by Edward.

I walked into his now dark room, and found myself yawning. Even though I was quite tired, I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to look into Edward's journals further, and look for something that finally proved that Edward had a happy human life. More than anything, I wanted to find something Edward remembered.

I looked inside my shopping bag to discover my mystery item was a pair of designer jeans. Much to my surprise, I actually remembered trying them on...but I also remembered making a comment about them being a little too tight through the legs. Apparently Alice didn't catch that in her shopping rampage.

I threw the bag into the corner of Edward's room and pulled back the covers on his bed, crawling inside as I turned on the lamp that was displayed on the nearest bedside table. I grabbed the journal with the pictures first, and much to my satisfaction, heard Edward and his siblings taking turns presenting their theories on what to do with the Volvo.

I knew that when I skipped ahead to the picture of Edward's demolished home, that I had skipped a few pages between it and the picture of his mother. I noticed there were only three pages between the two pictures I had already seen. The first picture wasn't even a picture...it was a homemade Valentine's Day card that Edward's mother had made for him. The second picture was one of Edward's father...who he was named after. Edward described that the picture of his father was taken sometime in March, when the newspaper visited his workplace. The other picture, dated just a few days before their house burned to the ground, was yet another of Edward's dog Violet. This was the first picture I had seen that hadn't been clipped out of a newspaper. This was a real photograph, which Edward described had been taken by his cousin Karen.

I skipped over the page containing the picture that had haunted my mind all day, and turned to the next page, which held two pictures...that once more, were not out of a newspaper. The pictures were of Edward's cousin Karen, and his other cousin Carol, and her husband.

I paused for a moment, because I didn't hear any of the Cullens conversing in the garage any longer, which made me think Edward was heading back upstairs. For some reason, I didn't want him to know I was looking at the secrets to his previous life, without him being here.

I closed the journal, and set it right back where Edward had left it when we had taken off earlier in order to clear our minds. I sat in silence for what seemed like ages, but what was less than a minute, when I heard the sound of a car starting, and then saw the Volvo pulling down the driveway, at a much slower speed than normal.

I suddenly became aware that I wasn't the only person in the room. Well...actually...I knew I was the only _person_ in the room. I rolled over, and about screamed out of the surprise of seeing Alice standing beside me.

"Bella." She said softly. I could tell she was worried she had woken me up.

"Yes Alice?" I asked, trying to return my breathing back to normal, so I didn't worry her.

"Edward and Rose are taking the Volvo for a little drive to see what's wrong...he told me to tell you he'll be back in a little while."

"Alright...thank you Alice. And next time, please warn me before you enter the room when I'm not expecting you."

"Sorry Bella." She said, shooting me a polite smile, before dancing out of the room and closing the door gently behind her.

I reached over and grabbed the other journal this time, hoping for a much better entry.

_June 20th-Age 15_

_Today not only is my birthday...but possibly the greatest day of my entire life. _

_My father, when I was first born, held a position as a successful lawyer. We had a fairly large house, and a lot of nice things. That all changed, when we had to move out of Chicago for 2 years to take care of his sick father, my grandfather. Once my grandfather died, we moved back here, and bought the little house we had lived in, until it burnt down last month. Father tried to find new positions, but none were ever available. He still has a good reputation for the work he did before, and shortly after I was born.So he had to go around, finding work where he could. We still managed to get along, of course, but our house was small, and we had very little, especially after the fire._

_Today, my father told my mother and I that he had some very important news. His old boss, who had hired him before, had lost an employee, because he was moving out of state. He remembered my father, and the work he had done, and asked him if he would like to take the position. My father of course said yes._

_He says now, sometime this summer, we will find a new house, and live the amazing life of riches we once had. I don't even remember what it's like to be wealthy...what it's like to be a lawyer's son. But I am so happy, and so overjoyed that this opportunity has arrived. Things finally seem to be turning around for us here._

It didn't take me long to realize I was crying...but this time I knew it was out of happiness, instead of the overwhelming feeling of sadness I had felt only moments earlier. It made me feel so much better to know that the last two years before Edward's life changed forever, were full of happiness and joy.

I looked around me, making sure Edward hadn't unexpectedly showed up again. When I didn't see any sign suggesting he may be present sometime soon, I read on to the next page.

_July 1-Age 15_

_Already my father is very successful at his work. People remembered him, from back when he used to be a lawyer. His boss says if he keeps this up, he may just have to give him an early promotion. But that isn't the greatest of news. Yesterday, we finally moved out of my Aunt Sara's house, and into a new house of our own. The house we bought, was actually owned by the gentlemen who's position my father filled. The house is only a few houses down the street from where our old house used to be. I walked by there yesterday with Violet, and it still pains me to look at the rubble that once was our happy home. But our new house is very extravagant, and mother is very pleased with it. It has a large front porch, something mother had wanted, but hadn't had since I was young. The house has two stories, a large kitchen, a sitting room, and three large bedrooms. It's very beautiful to look at from the outside. The yard is large, and fenced it. Mother is so happy about that, because now she has plenty of room to plant the flowers she loves so much. She's already talking about hosting a house warming party, and having various other gatherings of the rich and beautiful. Father says that she got like this for a short while when they were first married. I just think she's so overjoyed to finally have a large dose of happiness in her life once again._

Finally...for the first time since we had discovered the two journals...I had a smile on my face. I hoped...out of all things..that Edward would remember something about this. However..I knew that I would have to wait to share my wonderful discovery with him. I let out a small yawn, realizing I was a lot more tired than I thought...but I wasn't about to allow myself to fall asleep...not now. I carefully turned the next page...so afraid that if I wasn't careful...I may rip off a piece of Edward's past.

_July 17-Age 15_

_Today my mother hosted a house warming party. She was busy worrying about it all day. She bought a new dress for herself...and a brand new suit for me. She's inviting the wives of many other lawyers in the area that my father is acquainted with. My Aunt Sara was invited as well. My mother spent hours in our brand new kitchen..working on the food that she was planning on serving at the party. My father continues to have great success at his job. _

_My mother informed me that besides Karen...there would be a few other "young adults". She said many of the women were planning on bringing their daughters...or younger children. I much rather would have stayed hidden in the house all day, but mother insisted that I participate in the party and have a decent social life. I wasn't quite sure who I would talk to, but I guessed if all else failed that I could talk to Karen._

_Women and their children had been arriving at our house for quite some time. Mother had introduced me to many of them...and they always told her how handsome I looked...and how polite I was. I was standing in the backyard, near my mother's flower garden...when I noticed someone I recognized. I knew her as Mrs. Lark...the wife of Gregory Lark...who worked with my father. I knew that she had a son, but also remembered that he was much older than I was. Mrs. Lark had a young lady with her that I didn't recognize. I noticed my mother approach them, and then motion towards me. I walked forward...and came to stand beside my mother._

I looked up and about screamed when I saw Edward standing at the foot of the bed. He was smiling...looking like he was almost pleased that he had scared me out of my mind.

"When did you get here?"

"Just a few seconds ago." He said...coming over to his side of the bed, and gently laying down beside me.

"Please...give me a warning next time...you scared me half to death."

He simply smiled again.

"Here." I said handing him the two journals...as I pointed out the portions I had taken a look at while he had been investagating the mysterious nosies that were deep inside the Volvo's engine.

When he was finished...he set the journal with the pictures on the table beside him...and started to read aloud from the exact place I had left off in the other journal.

_Jill...my mother had said. "I think you remember my son Edward. Edward...this is Mrs. Lark." _

_I shook her hand and nodded. "Nice to see you again Mrs. Lark." I had said. _

_Mrs. Lark made some sort of comment on how much of a gentleman I was. I truthfully was not paying much attention to her. Instead...I couldn't take my eyes off of the beautiful young girl standing beside her._

_"I don't believe you have ever met my daughter." Mrs Lark had directed towards me._

Edward glanced over at me. I don't know if he almost felt guiltily...that here he was reading about how he was attracted to some girl, as he was laying beside his fiance...or if he was simply checking to see if I had fallen asleep.

I didn't want to tell him that as he read...I was finding myself becoming slightly jealous. But still...I didn't want him to quit reading now..not quite yet.

"Go on Edward...I'm awake."

He gently ran his hand through my hair, and kissed my forehead...before resting his arm around me.

_"I don't believe I have." I had told her...never taking my eyes off of the shy-acting girl._

_She introduced us to each other...telling me that her daughter's name was..._

Edward paused...starring almost wide-mouthed at the page...as if he was in shock.

His expression confused me...and I starred at him waiting for an explanation. Better yet...I was waiting for me to tell him what the name of this girl just so happened to be...and why it was so shocking.

"What?" I asked. "What was her name Edward."

He never took his eyes off of the page as he shook his head. I thought I heard him mutter something about how he couldn't believe it.

"What?" I repeated...louder this time...trying to bring my finance out of his trance-like state.

He glanced at me...before moving his eyes back to the page...and back to me once again.

When he finally did speak...his voice was barely a whisper.

"Isabella."

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who has sent in reviews..I again apologize for not completing my research before I typed. This story is turning out to be even more of a challenge to write than I thought! Please feel free to include any comments, concerns, constructive criticism, or ideas in your reviews. They have turned out to be very helpful...maybe you guys should write the story? Lol.  
**

**Thanks again so much for reading!**

**Hazl**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:Wow! I logged on last night with not even 20 reviews yet...two of which were my own..and I logged in this afternoon to see my reviews had totaled up to 30. I want to thank you all for being so supportive of my story. I'd also like to thank everyone who's pointed out my grammar/spelling/mistakes in general to me. When I edit my chapters..I always try my best to double check and re-read everything over...sometimes things happen to escape me. I'm a horrible speller...so spell check is a good friend of mine while I'm typing something up on the computer. If I do slip up and don't use proper grammar...or I spell something wrong, and you catch it, let me know in your reviews. Sorry that this chapter is shorter than others. I'll try my best to update soon. With Breaking Dawn coming out on the second...I may be a little caught up for a while...so it may be a few days before I update again. Thanks again!  
**

**Spoilers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Isabella?" I choked out. I almost didn't believe Edward. I thought that perhaps he was just joking with me, and that the name of this girl that Edward had obviously found very attractive, was something different than the name he just said.

He only nodded...and pointed right to my very own name, written on the page in Edward's fine handwriting.

"Do you remember her?" I asked Edward, still not believing that this was truly happening...that it _had_ been happening...at some point in time.

"Oddly...yes." He said running his hand through his hair...almost as if he was trying to think. "I remember small details...like how my mother and father looked, and what our house looked like."

"And you remember her...Isabella?" I asked.

"Yes." Edward said simply. "I do remember her...now."

"What do you mean...now?"

"If you never would have found these two journals...I never would have remembered a thing about her. But as I was reading about the housewarming party, I could almost picture it, and see it...and her."

"Read on Edward." I told him...wanting to learn more.

"Here...you read for a while." He said, pushing the journal over towards me. I picked up the journal in my hands and started reading from where Edward had left off.

_I shook her hand as well, and I saw our mothers smile at one another, as if they were planning something. _

_"She's a beautiful young lady." My mother had commented about Isabella Lark._

_With that our mothers walked away, leaving me with the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my entire life. She looked up at me, with deep brown eyes. Her brown hair was pulled up into a bun, with a few stray curls hanging around her face. I tried to think of something to say to her, but words would not form in my mind._

_"That's a very nice suit" She had said, breaking the silence between us._

_I had thanked her, and told her she looked very beautiful. She shook her head and smiled, taking a step closer to me. _

_"I am very hard to impress." She had said, which had confused me...but it only took me a spilt second to see her point._

_"Well then...I guess I'll try my best." I had told her. She had smiled at me and then walked right by, leaving me to stare after her. I wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but I knew it was something good._

_I think I may have fallen in love today._

I looked over at Edward, and noticed the slight smile that seemed to be creeping onto his face.

"I remember all of that. Every single word she had said to me, and every word I said back...I remember it."

I was curious...so I reached over onto the table beside me, thumbing through the pages in the journal that contained the pictures. I scanned the pages that Edward used to describe each snapshot, searching for the name Isabella written in the fine script that I had grown to know so well over the past few years. After what seemed liked ages...I found what I was looking for. Edward's description of the picture that was placed gently in between the journal's pages...said that the picture was of Isabella Lark..the love of his life.

I removed the picture from the journal with weak, shaking hands. Even though it felt as light as air, the picture seemed to weigh a hundred pounds. I slowly turned it over.

When I had flipped the picture around, I screamed, and threw it right at Edward's face. I could tell he was extremely puzzled by my reaction.

However his expression immediately changed from a look of a confusion to a look of surprise as he too, took a slight glance at the old photograph.

Looking at the picture of Isabella Lark...to me was like looking in a mirror.

"Bella." Edward whispered.

"Yes Edward."

"She's...you."

"I know." Was all I managed to say. My throat suddenly felt dry, I was finding it hard to breathe.

The picture of Isabella Lark...showed her sitting on the front porch steps of Edward's house. Her hair was the exact way Edward had described it, up in a bun with a few stray curls. But other than her outdated hairstyle...she was me. But I had no idea how she was _me._

Edward handed me the picture back, and I quickly tucked it back inside the second journal's pages...almost not wanting to ever look at it again. The fact that I looked just like the girl that shared my name, bothered me, and I wasn't quite sure why.

Without saying a word, Edward reached over me, and took the other journal back. He turned the page just as gently as I had done, and read the next entry aloud to me.

_August 2nd-15 years old_

_Isabella is in love with me too. _

_She told me that she never thought she would ever fall in love so young, or with someone who was as quiet as I was. I never would have thought when I saw her that day at my mother's party, that she was more social than shy. She had warned me so many times that going after her would be a bad idea. She told me that a nice young man like me, would never want to be romantically involved with someone like her. I tried to convince her otherwise. It took me a while, but yesterday, I finally got her to admit that she loved me back._

_Over the past month...Isabella and I have become good friends. Our mothers have also struck up a strong friendship since the house warming party in July. I was over at Isabella's house with my mother the other day, when Isabella asked me to come on a walk with her. I of course agreed to her proposal._

_I asked her the question that I ask her every time I see her. I asked her if she loved me yet. Normally she would shake her head and smile, whispering my name repetitively...and then nothing more than that. Other times, when she wasn't having such a good day, she would just sigh, and say nothing to me for several days at a time. But this time was different. This time, when I asked her if she loved me yet, she simply looked and me and said "Edward. I have always loved you."_

_I didn't know what to say, so I only smiled. She smiled at me as well and said. "Oh Edward...you don't know what you are getting yourself into."_

_I told her I didn't care, as long as she was with me every step of the way, until the day I died. Her response to that was laughter, which is normally her response to anything._

_"It's true." I had told her. " I promise someday, when we are older...I will make you my wife."_

_She smiled, and shook her head once more, and said, "I am looking forward to it."_

_So am I._

"Wow...Edward...you two were really in love."

"Yeah." Edward said...smiling at me. "We are."

"Are you referring to you and Isabella...or you and me?"

"Bella." Edward said, closing the journal and setting it on the table beside him. "Don't you realize something?"

"What?"

"You are Isabella."

"How Edward?" I asked, as he moved closer to my face, gently rubbing my cheek with his hand.

"I just know. Who else would I ever fall in love with...ever?" He asked, as he gently kissed me.

I found myself lost in his kiss, searching for the right words to say.

He pulled away from the kiss, less than an inch away from my face.

"I think we've read enough for today...get some sleep love."

He kissed me once more, and I merely nodded, before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep, dreaming that I was a lawyer's daughter, walking with Edward...with our future in fate's hands.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who has sent in reviews! This story is turning out to be even more of a challenge to write than I thought! Please feel free to include any comments, concerns, constructive criticism, or ideas in your reviews.Your reviews have really helped me a lot as I have continued this story.  
**

**Thanks again so much for reading!**

**Hazl**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:I am very sorry for taking a while to update. I received my copy of Breaking Dawn on the 2nd of August...as I'm sure many people did. I spent 12 hours total (roughly) reading it. Afterwords, I had band camp the next week, from 9 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon, and I was exhausted when I got home. The following week, I started school, and various practices. You combine all of this, and an extremely bad case of writer's block, and I just couldn't come up with an update. So I finally have one for you guys...it's short and sweet, but an update nonetheless. I will not be able to update as often as I used to, I might be able to once a week, but this was meant to be a short story, and in all truth, it's almost done. Thanks again for your patience!  
**

**Spoilers: There may be small spoilers from all of the books.**

Disclaimer-I do not own Twilight...that honor belongs to Stephine Myer.

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**Chapter 6**

After that night, I almost didn't even want to look at the journals. Oddly enough, Edward acted the exact same way. I wondered though, if his reasoning was the same as mine. In all truth, I really just wanted to think, instead of swarm my mind with even more confusing details.

Apparently the Volvo needed an oil change, and since cars are very low on my list of interests, I turned down Edward's invitation to accompany him. Of course, I also wanted to stay home and come up with more theories. It seems like Edward knew that, despite the fact my mind was blank to him. He had simply nodded, and left the room swiftly, leaving me alone in my thoughts.

I laid back on the pillow and closed my eyes, dragging the cold sheets over my face. For quite some time, I simply focused on breathing. Finally, I moved the blankets, and opened my eyes, starring blankly at the patterns in the ceiling of Edward's bedroom.

If I was certain of anything, it was that Isabella Lark looked, acted, and besides the fact she lived in a completely different century, talked, just like me. But, I wasn't exactly certain of how this could be possible. Mere coincidence was a possibility, along with an endless list of others. I also thought that it could be highly possible she was an ancestor of mine. A cousin...or a Great-Great Grandmother.

I shivered at the thought of that idea. Edward, in love with my Great-Great Grandmother...Ew.

However, no matter what theory I thought of, none of them really made sense. I even gave up at one point, snatching Edward's journal from the nightstand. I read through almost twenty pages, and learned nothing to support any of my theories. All Edward wrote about was how wonderful being rich was, the weather, and how in love he was with Isabella. Nothing was making any sense to me.

I was growing quite fustrated, and because of this, I careless tossed the journal I was holding onto the floor, as I reached for the other journal containing the pictures. But this journal didn't provide me with any evidence either. Except, of course, pictures of Isabella...merely more proof of how alike we could be. I almost didn't realize it when I turned the page and saw that the next page was blank. In that short amount of time, I had seen all of the pictures Edward had saved in the small leather journal.

I sighed and reached down on the floor, to pick up the other journal that I had so carelessly thrown there earlier. Surely, there had to be something in here to support at least one of my theories.

An hour passed and I had learned that Edward was on his way to college to become a lawyer himself, and that him and Isabella were engaged to be married as soon as they both turned eighteen.I also learned that the draft for war had been lowered to age eighteen, and that Edward's mother was extremely worried that her only son would die in the deadly World War. Despite all this however, I still hadn't found a single piece of evidence I was looking for.

I was getting ready to give up, and just side with the mere coincidence theory...when I turned the page just to read one more entry. I saw the opening line...and gasped.

_September 2, 1918_

_Isabella. My future wife. My love. My life. My world. Is dead._

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who has sent in reviews! Please feel free to include any comments, concerns, constructive criticism, or ideas in your reviews.Your reviews have really helped me a lot as I have continued this story.  
**

**Thanks again so much for reading!**

**Hazl**


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